Apr 11, 2013

dirty socks

I like picking up his dirty socks. I like finding sand on my clean bathroom floors. Cereal bowls in the sink just sit well with me.

It means he is here.

I know I have a long time before any deployments happen. But they will happen. I will say my tear filled goodbyes and pray for his safety day and night. He will tell me how proud that he is of me and that he will "see me soon". I can't keep denying it in my head. I have to start now on asking God to prepare my heart. It's the only way I got through those 2 months of boot camp a year and a half ago. I've just about completely blocked out that rainy December morning when I hugged my soon-to-be sailor goodbye and watched him drive away on the bus.

 (Leaving for boot camp)

The most hated question is, "How do you do it?". My blunt, almost sarcastic answer is always, "You just do". I'm not living this life for Nick. Yes, I said it. I have to love Jesus more than I love Nick. I have to remember daily what my priorities are in life. What good am I if I sit at home alone waiting until he comes home to be happy? Nick doesn't want me to do that. We are to be joyful in all circumstances. Nick has taught me to thank God for the hard times. They make me lean on Him. It hurts to think about the days ahead. Tears are already flowing as I type. But the dread is much worse than the actual event. I have so much support. It is growing everyday. I am making friends who are in the same situation as I am. I want to be effective at whatever season I am in life. When you stop focusing on your troubles and get out there to invest in other people's lives, that pain lessens. 

I am living on easy street right now. My husband is home for dinner every night. We giggle, we snuggle, we soak in every moment. I thank the military life for that. It gives you a different perspective. At times that I think, "Man, some alone time would be nice tonight" (don't lie, you know you say it), I remember what short time I have with him. I don't take it for granted. 

I hope you snuggle up to your significant other just a little closer tonight. What a blessing it is to be able to see him face to face. And say a prayer for those families who have husbands and wives over seas. I can't imagine the feeling yet. If God puts it on your heart, please pray that I would prepare MY heart for things to come. I'm so thankful that tonight, I get to cook breakfast for supper and kiss my husband goodnight.

(The first time I had seen him in 2 months)

If you feel like you need some support, please email me. I would love to talk to you and pray for you.

Victoria

7 comments:

Nicole said...

Crying as I sit here reading this. After our chat yesterday, my heart just feels the weight of this for you. I know that the Lord will fill you with strength with the time comes and I pray that he continues to put people in your path to love you and support you when it is time for Nick to go. I am so thankful for your life and for your faith! You encourage me to seek the Lord more and continue to find my joy in HIM. Going to hug Ty a little tighter tonight. Love you friend!

Claire Carwile said...

Oh my goodness! So amazing and so true! I marry my Army man September 28th this year and we just found out he leaves for Germany for a month 3 days after the wedding, and then again in March for Afganistan for 9 months! We are so sad, but so eager to serve the Lord and for how it will force our hearts to draw closer to Him in ways we otherwise wouldn't necessarily ever have to. God bless you guys!:)

Lauren said...

Thank you for your heart and your truth. You are so sincere and I can't imagine what this must be like. Wishing the best for you and your husband!

Ashleigh said...

What a beautiful post! I am SO looking forward to the day when I will see my sailor every day. We've been long distance for about a year now. I always tell myself that I HAVE to put myself before my SO because he deserves a healthy and happy partner and if I'm not taking care of myself then I can't take care of him! I also put God above both us, because He is the one who looks over us both.

Courtney Kassner said...

What a great post. Though my husband isn't in the military, I know I can learn things from your words today. Thanks for being so encouraging!

Kayla Tow said...

Vic, I am so happy you started a blog!! You are such an inspiration. God is working such much in your life and I'm ready to see what's next. Hopefully y'all can find out where your next home will be soon :)

Kasey Brewer said...

I know we don't know each other well, but since Jan and Van go to our church, I pray for you and Nick every Tuesday when i pray for them. I have been praying that the Lord would prepare your heart and Nick's and that Jesus would be enough for you ever since I found out he is was in the military. Just want you to know that I have been praying that for months for you!